Little Plastic Toys
When what once was is winnowed
to memories, possessions, the strangeness of before and after
a relative’s estate is a task, a lover’s a devotion
Chattels solely become relics holy
treasure to revere or evidence to protect
a cruelty of alchemy
A material snapshot of a lifetime
the sum total of cherished belongings
an abandoned inventory of existence
Little plastic toys won free once dear
worthless to the unaware
priceless in memory of her
Journals half-filled with dreams
shopping lists, rants, schemes
every item that carried her lingering scent
Lingering amongst these things
conjured amorphous simulacrum
a life preserver to which to cling
Everything must go!
This covenant is not just a dispensation of belongings
it is a second, slower loss
Living together endows
an intimate awareness of a mate’s relationship
with all and everything they own
Each proclaims its own discrete memory
each portrays a piece of personality
each proves that she was there
They tell a tale in aggregate
no one else will know
a story that dies with you
Dismantling the shrine
an act of self-preservation
is to heart as desecration
Directing the dissection and dispensation
planning, purging, pining, preserving, packing
a slow surrender, one memory at a time
The process leaves you diminished
with every item released
you give away a tiny piece of yourself
Surrendering material reality
relinquishes all small memories
memory is a process of erosion
Though I no longer recall the providence or significance of each as I once did
I still remember her joy
of little plastic toys
One day I won’t
❦